Then and Now

So at the very beginning of this semester, one of my professors had told the class about a story about a woman that had tried for a very long time to be a published author. This woman submitted her work to various publishers, but none of them wanted to take a chance with her. She continued this for a long time, but still to no avail. What stood out about this woman, was that she did not quit. She continued to pursue her dreams, and because of her persistence, someone finally took a look at her work, and more than that, they decided to publish it. My professor continued by saying that the woman said that being published was one of the best feelings ever. Why I’m I writing about this? Well my professor proceeded by saying that she hopes that everyone in the class would get published someday. That “someday” she said would be by the end of the current semester. She told us that we would all be writing about a certain topic of our choosing and that she was going to compile all of our writings and put them in a book to get published. The topic of the book is about relationships and God really placed in my heart to speak about the lessons I have learned about the relationships in my life.  So today, as I write this paragraph of exposition, I would like to show you my writing that will be published in the coming weeks. I would like to thank God for giving me this opportunity to not only accomplish being published, but giving me the chance to write about him, and what he has done in my life.

"Over the course of the unpredictable adventure that is life, there are numerous events and experiences that we as human beings have the blessing or the misfortune of facing. From celebrations to humiliations, these moments in our lives may cause us not only to deal with these situations but similar ones in the future. Though the experiences we may have are very crucial, what is even more significant are the types of people that we allow to go through those experiences with us. Whether those people or friends were positive or negative influences, they all had the opportunity to leave a mark on our lives. As we walk down the very laborious path that comes with existing in this world, we have the ability to form close-knit bonds with others. Those bonds or relationships are what strengthen us with encouragement and reassurance while also having the ability to diminish us with malice, jealousy and animosity. As a result, these experiences may cause many of us to either embrace relationships or cause us to run away from them altogether. In my life, there have been many bonds that have been forged and just as many that have been severed, but despite the capricious emotions and thoughts involved in all of these relationships, I have learned many lessons along the way.

           

One of the first lessons that I have learned pertaining to relationships, is that not all people fully appreciate their friends. A wise man once wrote, “The value of a true friend is worth more than a thousand diamonds” (unknown). Though these words may sound a bit cliché that does not mean that it diminishes how true this statement is. As much as I would like to say that all the relationships I was a part of were perfect, that was definitely not the case. As a child, even though I did indeed have marvelous friends of which I still share strong bonds with to this day, not all the “friends” I had were really friends. I quickly found that certain individuals that I may have had the “pleasure” of getting acquainted with were only my friends because they sought to acquire something I had or only enjoyed spending time with me because of what I may have had.

          

Before proceeding as if I have never done anything like this myself before, I would like to pause for a moment to acknowledge that I have fallen guilty of this as well. Whether it was something as miniscule as wanting to play with a toy one of my friends may have had or seeking to acquire a better social status because of friend’s popularity, I was not the type of friend that I should have been. Experiencing what being a taker is like and being subject to various takers in past relationships has shown me not only what type of friend I would like to be, but also the type of friends I would like to have. We should not go into a relationship of any sort to take something; rather we should go into one to give something. After all, relationships are connections we hope to make with another person because we see the value in that person and the potential of a friendship being formed. If we are in a relationship and our focus is on the value of something that a certain person may have, we are not valuing the person; we are valuing an item that person has. If the basis of a friendship is formed on something as frivolous as what someone has for another to procure, when that specific thing that that person may have is gone, is the relationship gone as well? Relationships should not be based on what we can get from another, but what we can do for another.

           

Another lesson that I have learned pertaining to relationships, is that an individual should tread carefully and be mindful of their emotions before even contemplating any possible relationship with another person.

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it” (New International Version, Pr. 4.23).

Now, though this verse could apply to numerous other aspects of life, it is especially applicable to the topic of relationships. Not only should we be very careful when we are approaching a friendship, but we should be even more cautious when we are contemplating a possible relationship with a person of interest to us. Personally in my life, there have been times that I would go about relationships the wrong way. For me, I would approach a potential relationship with someone of interest, and because I was so, for lack of a better word, infatuated with them, my eyes were blinded and my ears deafened to obvious signs that would have otherwise turned me away. When deciding something as crucial as allowing someone into our lives, we should have a clear mind. If our hearts are filling us full of thoughts and emotions then any rationality that could be used to decipher whether a person has good intentions or not is gone. Equally so, we should not allow ourselves to believe anything and everything a person says just because of the way he or she appears or speaks; after all, like it says in Matthew chapter seven verse fifteen,

“They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves” (New International Version, Mt. 7.15).

Certain individuals may present themselves well and speak the most beautifully articulately and eloquent words ever spoken, but sometimes that may be even worse than someone who is blatant about their intentions. Though there are many people in the world that we should avoid, there are still those who are worth it, but the only way to truly know if they are is to tread carefully when getting to know someone and be patient. In my experience I did not take this advice. One of the many unfortunate instances was during my time in high school. Ever liked someone that seemed to have everything, but once you got to know them you realized that the few positives he or she may have had were not enough to overcome all the negatives; and everything appealing about them withered away? Yes? Well so did I, but sadly it was only after I had pursued them without giving the “getting to know the other person” portion enough time. Regrettably for that reason, I was emotionally involved with someone that was not worth the emotion I was dedicating to them and what was even worse was that this turned into a cycle. Time and time again I had fallen into allowing my heart to lead me rather than my mind. As a result not only did I hand over my heart to those who did not care about it, but I sacrificed many things in my life in order to make things easier for others. Relationships should be built over time after knowing, for sure, that the person we are getting acquainted with is truly committed to being part of a relationship, and even then we may not fully know a person completely. Relationships should not be about how quickly we could rush into one, but how much time we take with something that has the potential to last a life time.

The final lesson that I have learned pertaining to relationships is that as much as we may believe that we know what is best for us and whom we should allow into our lives, in a relationship or otherwise, God wants nothing short of the best for our lives. In Jeremiah chapter twenty-nine verse eleven, it reads,

“’For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ’plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future'” (New International Version, Jer. 29.11).

The meaning behind this verse is a bit deeper than it may first appear. Many times when a relationship comes to an end, we may be left broken and hurt. As a result of this we may be very quick to blame God for allowing a certain individual that we may have cared so much for to exit our lives, but is our anger and frustration towards God justified? After all God did say he wants to give all of us a hope and a future, but more often than not, we may skip all the positive aspects of this verse in our hurt and just focus on the ”harm you” portion which is taken completely out of context. When God takes someone out of our lives, it is not because he wants to cause us harm, after all that is not who God is, but because he wants the very best for each and every aspect of our lives. He does not want us to settle for whatever may present itself to us, but he wants us to wait patiently on him and allow God to give us not what we deserve, but far beyond what we ever imagined. During the many varied and short lived relationships I had in high school, I was in a desperate place of constant hurt and disappoint that continually lead me to pursue other relationships in order to fill the void in my heart caused by the last one. It was only until I hit rock bottom and realized what I was doing, that God was able to pull me out of the hole I was digging and began repairing the one in my heart. He loved me despite the condition I was in and he loved me despite the things I had done. In my life there have been many disappoints and just as many pains but if I have learned anything in my short twenty-three years, it is that no matter what happens to me in this life, that God is there to catch me when I fall, and to care for me when I’m hurting. What anyone can offer me in any possible relationship cannot surpass what God has for me in a relationship with him. Equally so, God wishes for each and every one of us to be a blessing and a gift to someone else. The only way that this is accomplished is by earnestly seeking God and embracing the plans that he has for each and every one of us. It is when we accomplish this, that we can learn to love others best, because we have learned to love God the most.

            
Overall, though relationships may cause us an overwhelming amount of joy or a vast amount of pain, there are many lessons we can learn from them, but more than that, we have the opportunity to find true connections with others. It is because of those few blessed relationships that we should continue to form new ones. With that being said, we should learn to respect and value our friends, continue to guard our hearts from those who are not worthy of having them, and to pursue a relationship with God, because he will never fail us. It is when we are able to do these things that we could continue to form new relationships and more than that, be the standard by which every person should be in a successful relationship."